Caillou Shorties!
by Donunttakemeserious
Summary: A collection of random Caillou short stories...mostly involving Caillou getting hurt in some way. Not related to my other stories Caillou's Safety Rules and Caillou: The Devil's Pawn. Please enjoy! I do not own Caillou nor do I want to.
1. Caillou Extreme Rules!

A Caillou Short 1.

One morning Caillou woke up very grumpy. He wanted to go to the pencil museum but Daddy thought that was fucking boring. So Caillou began to throw a tantrum.

"WAAAAAAAHHH! I WANT TO GO TO THE PENCIL MUSEUM! I WANNA I WANNA IWANNNA! I WANNA GO STOOOPID DADDY, STOOOPID MOMMY, STUPID FUCKING ROSIE!, STOOOPID GILBERT" cried Caillou

Daddy and Mommy grew tired of Caillou yelling, so Daddy grabbed Caillou by his ankles and started spinning around and around until he let go and threw Caillou out the window of his room. Caillou landed hard on the ground, there waiting for him was Mommy who quickly picked up Caillou and gave him a Stone Cold Stunner.

"Mommy 3:16 said I just whooped your ass" said Mommy to Caillou

She then bashed to beer cans together and started chugging them over Caillou. At that point the neighborhood children came along with their parents to watch and started chanting.

"THIS IS AWESOME, THIS IS AWESOME!" all in unison

Gilbert pointed towards the sky and the crowd knew what was coming and began to cheer and chant louder.

"WE WANT TABLES, WE WANT TABLES, WE WANT TABLES!" once again in unison

Then Gilbert grabbed a table and put Caillou on it. Then he signaled towards the roof, there stood Rosie. With the crowd roaring she jump off a hit Caillou with the Swanton Bomb, breaking the table, herself, and most of all Caillou in two. Then Mr. Hinkle went for the pin count.

"ONE, TWO, THREE! THE FAMILY WINS!" announced Mr. Hinkle

The crowd cheered and then Daddy picked up Rosie and treated the entire neighborhood to Ice Cream and visit to the pencil museum. Leaving Caillou unconscious in the front yard.

Fin

**A/N: **I'm so mean Caillou aren't I? But anyways this is not related to Caillou: The Devil's Pawn series, these stories will just be random short stories of me just abusing the living hell out of Caillou. So if you're into that please enjoy, and you have any suggestions leave them in review and I'll try to make it happen!. Thank you!


	2. Clemintine's Joke

Caillou Short 2

One afternoon at play school Caillou, Leo, and Clemintine where playing in the playground when they found something interesting.

"Hey guys look what I found!" yelled Clemintine

"What is it?" asked Leo

"Maybe it's a spaceship!" replied Caillou

"No dumbass, spaceships come from the outer layers of the galaxy and most spaceships wouldn't be small they would have be large in order to enter the Earth's atmosphere!" replied Leo

"Oh, okay" replied Caillou disappointedly

"So what is it babe?" said Leo

"mmmh boy don't you call Babe like I'm your girl" replied Clemintine

They laughed about that exchange for awhile, but Caillou went on to try to find what Clemintine found.

"What did you find Clemintine?" asked Caillou

"A donut" replied Clemintine

"A donut?" asked Caillou

"Yeah you want one?" asked Clemintine

"SURE I'D LOVE ONE!" replied Caillou with excitement

"WAIT CLEMINTINE DON'T!" shouted Leo

But it was too late...

There was no donut, instead of the pastry there was only pain as Clemintine gave a massive uppercut to his jaw. Sending the bald four year flying backwards toward a scene of black.

"Hurts donut!" laughed Clemintine

Caillou didn't answer as he was knocked the fucked out.

"Why'd you tell not to?" asked Clemintine to Leo

"You got the setup wrong, you had to mention a fake donut shop called Hertz Donuts" replied Leo

"Ohhh, oh well!" laughed Clemintine

They both left laughing away as they headed back inside. While Caillou remained knocked out with no one caring if he was hurt.

Dol-Fin


	3. Caillou goes to WWE!

Caillou Short 3

"Hey daddy whatcha watchin?" asked Caillou

"Oh I'm watching wrestling." replied Daddy

"It's been awhile since we've gone to a live event haven't we dear?" asked Mommy

"Yeah we should go to one! WWE is coming to Quebec in 3 weeks!" said Daddy excitedly

"Ok, but just remember what happen last time honey" said Mommy

"What happened?" asked Caillou

"I don't want to talk about it Caillou" replied Daddy

**Three weeks later...**

"Oh boy I can't wait to see my favourite wrestler" said Daddy

"Rosie too" said Rosie

"Haha me too" said Mommy

"WAIT! Where's Caillou?" asked Mommy

Both Mommy and Daddy stood up to find their bald-headed son but he could not be found until a microphone went on...

"I challenge anybody to a No Rules Match! Hehehe this is fun!" said their stupid son

The crowd started booing the little boy who now standing in the middle of the ring. Caillou started taunting the crowd with a series of tongue sticking and butt slaps. The crowd started getting more rowdy and even Daddy started booing Caillou until music started playing.

"SIERRA, HOTEL, INDIA, ECHO, LIMA, DELTA... SHEILD"

The Shield came out from the crowd and surround the ring. Caillou was giggling in the center until they entered the ring. The baldie was about to run away until Roman Reigns speared him in two. The three men stomped Caillou outside the ring were they dragged him to the commentator's table. There the men hoisted Caillou up for their Triple Powerbomb and drove Caillou into the table. The crowd, plus Daddy, started cheering. The three men left Caillou destroyed. Daddy was excited until Mommy told him that the person that was destroyed was his own son Caillou, to which Daddy replied...

"Like Father, Like Son I guess."

Fin

In case you were wondering which wrestler beat up Daddy...it was Stone Cold Steve Austin


	4. Swagillou

Caillou Short 4

_On one faithful afternoon Caillou discovered who his maternal grandfather was. The man was world famous but Caillou didn't know that, so his parents decided to let Caillou visit him over the summer. It would be a summer a would change him forever because his grandfather is "The World's Most Interesting Man"._

_Now in High School Caillou has put what he learned all those years ago to good use._

March 31, 2024

One night I forgot to turn off my swag...

Then I woke up to a bed full of bitches kissing on me from head to toe

Damn today is going to be a good day.

For realz,

Caiilou

"How was that Ms. Johnson?" said Swagillou

"YOUR IN MATH CLASS YOU PIG!" said Ms. Johnson

"Don't be jelly Ms. Johnson, you can get with me too." replied Swagillou

Ms. Johnson blushed but then told Caillou to sit down and shut up. Later as class went on Caillou began his usual seducing of the girls next to him...cuz he's ballin like that. The bell ring and everyone began to pack up to leave as school was finished but Ms. Johnson walk around and left a note on Caillou's desk. I read...

"Stay after class"

As everyone left Caillou remained seated and Ms. Johnson was at her desk glaring at him. After a few minutes of silent tension she finally got out of her desk and locked the door to her classroom. She proceed to close the curtains as well, Swagillou knew what was about to happen(cuz it happen before to him). Ms. Johnson then went to Caillou's desk and then seductively sat down on it and before long... they were doing the dirty.

After the sex Caillou walked home thinking about his latest conquest and how awesome he is, he then looked up into the sky and said...

"Thanks Grandpa"

BUT just then a Hollow ripped out of the sky and used a Cero on Swagillou killing him instantly.

Fin

**A/N: I originally intended this story to be different...but the temptation of causing Caillou harm was to great. **


	5. When Keepin' It Real Goes Wrong

Caillou Short 5

Caillou was a 4 year old who liked to explore the world in a very annoying fashion. But on one May afternoon he was about to find out how terrible humiliation can be...

When Keepin' It Real Goes Wrong

It was recess and the four year old just got done finishing a coloring book, hot of his success he went to the playground to hang with his "homies". While at sandbox one of Caillou's crew members spotted the new kid that started school just earlier that morning, swinging at Caillou's favorite swing. Leo knowing how much Caillou loved that swing told him to go over and scare the new kid out of there. Caillou feeling confident went over to the swing set and pushed the new girl out of the swing.

"That's my swing hahaha I keeps it real!" Caillou laughed triumphantly

But what Caillou didn't realize was that Dalia(the new kid) was trained in Mixed Martial Arts and had a terrible temper to match her skills. She quickly got up and beat down the bald-headed four year old to a bloody pump. Caillou was rushed to the emergency room with a broken nose, dislocated shoulder, missing teeth, extreme diarrhea, and wound pride. Noboby at the pre-school forgot about that incident and reminded Caillou up until gradutation. He painfully learned the lesson about...

When Keepin' It Real Goes Wrong


	6. The Cypher

Caillou Short 6

"Ya know what it is! It's the cypher! Let's get it goin!" said Ms. Martin

"DJ Daddy lay dat shit down" said Mommy

Leo:

_What it is son?_

_Ya niggaz best keep to steppin_

_See fuckin wit me would be like death by a deadly weapon_

_Faggots come talkin shit about my red hair _

_But when it comes to a battle they be like "Leo please play fair!"_

_Fuck dat nigga I do what I want _

_I drink, I smoke, I rap, I taunt_

_Bitchez be scared enough to call the cops_

_But this Ginga Jewish fire is one that you can't stop!_

Clemintine:

_Ok I guess it's my turn to tear up the mike_

_Lines so hot it turns straight women to dykes_

_Oops was that line too hot? Yikes_

_But ya'll niggaz will be satisfied by the end of this night_

_With words so electrifying that they turn off the lights_

_And metaphors so powerful that niggaz end up in fights_

_Its about time to end this shit right_

_Cuz ya'll niggaz ain't ready for Caillou... aight!_

Caillou:

_Yeah yeah yeah I'm just a kid's who four_

_But what the fuck do you think I'm here for?_

_Don't come here disrespecting me nigga, I'm Caillou_

_Everybody's favorite Canadian bald kid with a big dick_

_Sick with mike, I suck the life out of it like a big tick_

_But Oh shit! ya'll niggaz keep thinking I playin_

_Just standing around ignoring all the bullshit you sayin_

_But ya'll niggaz keep hatin' cuz I'm gettin rich off you whether old or new_

_Just remember the name...nigga I'm Caillou_

_Swag up_

"Oh shit!" said the kids

"That's all for the Cypher" said Ms. Martin

Everybody went home.

Caillou died three weeks later due to complications of Hepatitis Q and Severe Acute Hiccup Syndrome...plus Explosive Diarrhea and then was eaten by hamsters...I don't know anymore. Maybe he drowned while lost in the desert?

"Ugh...just quit it Corndog. This isn't even our story." said The Devil

FOOLS!

_Lame...(''_")_

FOOLS!

Fin

Next Time on very special episode of Caillou Shorties!

_Excailbur, Excalibur!_

_From the United K I'mma looking for heaven_

_I'm going to California!_

_Excalibur!, Excalibur!_

_From the United K I'mma looking for him_

_I'm going to California!_

_Excalibur!, Excalibur!, EXCAILBUR!_


End file.
